Soul Mating

By Christina Laun

Whether you’re a few hundred or a few thousand miles apart, being away from someone you’re in a relationship with can be difficult. There are ways, however, that you can make long distance dating easier on you and your partner so you’ll both be happier and healthier. Here are a few suggestions we’ve come up with to help ease the difficulties that come along with dating someone living in a different zip code, state or even country.

General

Follow these basic tips to make your time apart a little more bearable.

1. Agree on an end. It’s nearly impossible to be in a long distance relationship that doesn’t have an end in sight. One or the other of you will eventually have to relocate. Figure out when you want this to happen and work towards keeping to this goal.
2. Schedule visits ahead of time. Give yourselves something to look forward to by figuring out when you’ll see each other next well in advance. The time will seem to go by more quickly and you’ll get the happy anticipation of a visit.
3. Lay out expectations. Don’t expect your partner to automatically know what you expect from your long distance relationship. Talk about what each of you needs in terms of talking and visits to feel happy.
4. Keep traveling equal. Unless there is some reason your significant other can’t travel, try to keep the visits between you about equal. That way, one person won’t feel like they’re shouldering so much of the financial burden of the relationship.
5. Have faith in your relationship. If you believe from the outset that your long distance relationship won’t work, it probably won’t. Have faith in the ability of both of you to make it work and take a more positive outlook on things instead.
6. Don’t take the other person for granted. Just because you won someone over in the first place doesn’t mean they are stuck with you now. Make sure you’re doing things and acting in a way that makes your partner want to be with you, even when you’re hundreds of miles apart.
7. Have something to look forward to. Whether you plan a vacation for two or just send a package or letter to your sweetie, having something to look forward to in the relationship can take a big weight off the stress of missing each other.
8. Maintain personal boundaries and limits. While your relationship should be important to you, it shouldn’t be the only thing in your life. Maintain some limits so that your time on the phone or the money you spend on traveling doesn’t get out of hand.
9. Set ground rules. If you’re going to make your relationships work, and be easier for the both of you, set some ground rules at the start. They can be related to how much you talk or visit or even whether or not you’re open to seeing other people.
10. Get unlimited calling plans. Anyone who’s been in a long distance relationship knows how much time is spent talking on the phone. After all, that’s all you have. So keep yourself from stressing about astronomical bills by getting an unlimited plan for your cell or land line.
11. Be flexible. It’s very important to be flexible when you’re trying to manage a relationship that may be taking place in two different time zones. Understand that your partner may not always be able to call or visit when you’d like, and work with it to fit into your life.
12. Create realistic expectations. When you’re in a long distance relationship it often isn’t fair to expect an unreasonable amount of phone calls and visits from your partner. Be realistic about what you can expect and you won’t end up disappointed.

Communication

Communication is key to making a long distance relationship work so give these tips a try.

13. Make time to talk. It may take a little rearranging sometimes, but it’s important to talk to your partner on a daily or fairly regular basis. You can share what you’re both doing and work at feeling close despite the distance between you.
14. Create a schedule. If you are having difficulty finding a time that works for both of you to talk, try creating a schedule of when to call. That way you’ll both know when to expect a call and you can arrange the rest of your day around it.
15. Take advantage of technology. Technology has made it easier than even for long distance couples to keep in touch. Use email, social networking, webcams and IM’s to talk to your partner when you’re apart.
16. Go old fashioned. Sometimes the most endearing methods of communication are the ones that have endured for years. Send your sweetie a love letter or a postcard to show your affections instead of a simple email.
17. Be open about your feelings. Don’t bottle up your feelings so that are just festering and helping you build resentment towards your partner. Talk openly about how you’re feeling, even if those feelings are negative.
18. Work on being a good communicator. Communication is about being good at talking and as listening. If you feel you’re weak in one (or both) of these areas work on strengthening your skills. Both you and your relationship will benefit.
19. Volunteer information about your life. Because your lives are so separate, it can be helpful to share as much information about your life as you can so you and your significant other feel as close as possible. Taking pictures of where you live and work can help as well.
20. Ask questions. Show an active interest in your partner by asking them questions. They can be as simple as asking how their day went or delve into your partner’s childhood.
21. Maintain a sense of humor. Long distance relationships can be difficult but it can help a lot to keep a good sense of humor about them as well as adapting a positive attitude.
22. Understand that miscommunications happen. When the bulk of your relationship takes place over the phone without the benefit of facial expressions and other body language, its inevitable that miscommunications will happen. Don’t let these erupt into huge fights. Be understanding and resolve them as soon as you can.
23. Be accessible. We all get busy with work, classes and other commitments but if you want your long distance relationship to flourish, make sure you’re readily accessible to your partner. They and you should feel like you can get in touch with each other whenever needed– within limits of course.
24. Reaffirm commitment. Being in a long distance relationship is a big commitment, just like any relationship. Make sure to reaffirm your commitment to the person you’re with. It will make you both feel more secure about where you stand with each other.
25. Don’t make assumptions. It’s easy to make assumptions about what your significant other is feeling, thinking or doing but many times you may be wrong. Talk out your concerns and feelings instead to make things more clear.

Relationship

Here are a few ideas on how you can improve your relationship while you’re in different cities.

26. Keep jealousy in check. Jealousy can ruin any relationship but it can be an even more common problem in long distance relationships. While it’s natural to feel a little jealous about certain situations, you have to learn to keep yourself from letting it take over your relationship. When you feel jealousy coming on take a minute to think about whether or not you have a valid reason to feel that way or if you’re just overreacting.
27. Work on building trust. Trust is a difficult thing for many people to find in a relationship but it’s even more essential to long distance relationships than close distance ones. Work on doing things that help build your trust in each other so you aren’t constantly worrying what your partner is up to.
28. Give each other room to breathe. Because you don’t get to see each other, there can be a temptation to overdo the calls, emails and other messages. Give each other time to do other things as well. You’ll be happier and have more things to talk about when you do call.
29. Keep it interesting. Surprise each other with little things now and again to keep things between you exciting. Plan a surprise trip, send them a sweet gift or even an unexpected card in the mail.
30. Give each other homework. Keep a little fun in your relationship by giving each other "homework" to complete. Send your significant other a list of things to do this week or month and have him/her do the same for you.
31. Do the same things. You can make the distance seem smaller by sharing experiences with your sweetie even when you’re apart. Watch a movie together, read the same book or any other interest you both share that you can do together.
32. Be creative. You don’t always have to just rely on phone calls to keep in touch. Be creative about how you communicate– leave notes around their place to find when you’re gone, for example, or send them a singing telegram.
33. Share memories. One way to feel closer is to relive your favorite memories of when you were together. They can be funny or romantic but they’re guaranteed to make you feel warm and fuzzy.
34. Make your relationship a priority. Life will always be busy but taking the time to focus in on and dedicate time to your relationship is essential to its survival over a distance. You may need to rearrange some things in your schedule but make an effort to put your partner near the top of your priorities.
35. Learn about your partner’s interests. Feel closer to your partner by engaging in some of the things they love when they’re not around. For instance, if they love tennis and you’ve never played give it a try. You’ll learn more about your partner and maybe find some new interests of your own.
36. Be willing to compromise. Just like close distance relationships, those dating over a distance will need to be willing to make compromises to help their relationship work. It may mean spending extra hours at work or not talking as much as you’d like, but in the end it can be worth it.
37. Look on the bright side. Being away from someone has a lot of downsides, but it can also have its perks. It forces you to talk more and develop a more emotionally intimate relationship, which may benefit you more in the long run.
38. Send a care package. Let your sweetheart know you’re thinking of them by sending them a care package. Fill it with their favorite things or items that will remind them of you.

Personal

Make sure you’re someone healthy and happy enough to be in a relationship by follow some of these suggestions.

39. Use the time to build personal interests. If you love to play a sport, paint or cook spend the free time you have developing these interests. You’ll be more personally fulfilled and it will give you something to talk about with your partner on the phone.
40. Enjoy your own life. Just because your significant other isn’t around doesn’t mean you have to sit around and do nothing. Get out and enjoy doing all the things that matter to you.
41. Spend time with friends and family. It’s hard to feel lonely when you’re surrounded by friends and family, so spend more time with those that matter to you.
42. Plan for the future. If you do plan on moving to be close to your significant other then work on figuring out just how you want to go about doing that. Planning for the future will give you something to look forward to and keep you feeling on track to your goals.
43. Do interesting things on your own. Give yourself something to talk about when you’re on the phone or sending emails by getting out and doing interesting things on your own or with your friends and family.
44. Concentrate on things that are important to you. Since you don’t have your significant other around to dote on, focus your attention on something else that matters to you like work, school or even your favorite hobbies.
45. Stay busy. Keep your mind off of the absence of your significant other by staying busy with work, friends and your own hobbies. You’ll have more fun and feel better about the situation.
46. Have patience. Easier said than done, but working on being a more patient person can benefit not only your relationship but your life in general. You’ll be less likely to get angry when your significant other doesn’t call on time and better able to deal with the weeks or months that separate the time you spend together.
47. Don’t sit by the phone. While you may look forward to a call from your sweetie all day long, it’s not an excuse to sit by the phone and wait for them to call. Get out and do the things you need to do instead of waiting around and you’ll still be able to find time to chat with your significant other.
48. Know your own weaknesses. Getting in touch with your own weaknesses that may make a long distance relationship difficult can be a valuable experience. Take an honest look at yourself and work on factors like jealousy, insecurity and absentmindedness that could affect your relationship over the miles.
49. Determine what you really want. A key factor in a long distance relationship is determining what it is you want out of it and where you see yourself going in life. Sit down and really think about where your relationship fits into your life. You may realize you really do want to relocate or change careers and it can reaffirm your faith in your relationship.
50. Nip moping in the bud. When you’re really missing your special someone it can be tempting to sit around your house feeling sad. Don’t let yourself engage in this kind of behavior. When you feel mopeyness coming on make it a point to take a walk, call a friend or just get out and about doing something else.

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